Boyfriends and girlfriends have no capacity to cheat each other By Emeka Asinugo
In today’s social environment, the word “cheating” has become common in conversations, especially among young people. One often hears such statements as “my boyfriend cheated on me” or “my girlfriend was cheating on me with someone else.” The emotional feeling behind such statements can actually be real. There is definitely a feeling of hurt, betrayal, or disappointment. But, when we take a closer look at the expression, it is obvious that it is simply being misplaced. And that invites an urgent need to address the misunderstanding that exists between love and commitment. What I am saying is that until a man and a woman have made formal, moral, or legal commitment to each other surrounded by a group of witnesses, in a traditional, court or Church wedding, they are not bound by any covenant that justifies the use of the term “cheating.” Because they have not exchanged any oath to belong to each other until death separates them, they cannot rightly talk of cheating should one of them for any reason decide and sleep with someone else.
The problem begins with the growing casualness of relationships. For whatever it is worth, modern culture encourages romantic involvement without responsibility. Young men and women often enter into relationships that are based on emotional excitement, physical attraction, or even peer influence, without thinking through what commitment actually means to them. The word “boyfriend” or “girlfriend” sounds innocent, but when it is used inadvertently to replace the word “husband” or “wife,” it naturally becomes misleading. The difference between dating and marriage does not merely lie in the romanticism of the couple but in the solemnity of their commitment to each other. Marriage is a covenant established by society and the law, and by religious bodies and tradition. It binds two people by vows, witnesses, and often, spiritual obligations. A dating relationship, however long it lasts, is a personal understanding between two individuals. It can end at any time, for any reason, and without legal or moral consequences.
To cheat means to violate trust within a defined moral or legal framework. When a husband or wife engages in adultery, they break vows they made before God, family, and society. That is why it is termed cheating or unfaithfulness. But when two unmarried individuals are in a romantic relationship, there is no recognized vow or covenant binding them to exclusivity. Their loyalty is emotional, not contractual. Therefore, while one partner may feel betrayed if the other becomes romantically involved elsewhere, it cannot accurately be called “cheating.” It is, at best, a breach of trust or disappointment within a private arrangement, not a moral offence in the sense marriage defines it.
This misunderstanding stems partly from the influence of Western media, where relationships are often portrayed as miniature marriages. Movies, music, and social media platforms frequently glorify boyfriend-girlfriend relationships, sometimes depicting them as lifelong commitments. Consequently, many young people grow up believing that emotional attachment alone is equal to marriage. In some cases, they begin to live together, sharing the privileges and responsibilities of married couples without any formal or traditional acknowledgment. This practice, known as cohabitation, has blurred the boundaries between dating and marriage. Yet, no amount of living together can transform an informal relationship into a recognized union. Without the backing of traditional rites, legal documentation, or religious blessing, the relationship remains what it is, an association of two consenting adults, not a marriage.
From a moral and cultural standpoint, African societies have always placed great importance on the sanctity of marriage. In traditional settings, marriage is not only a union between two individuals but also between families. The process involves introductions, consent, exchange of gifts, and blessings. Each step carries meaning, ensuring that both parties understand the seriousness of their decision. It is after these processes that a man and woman are considered husband and wife. Only then can words like “faithful” or “unfaithful,” “loyal” or “disloyal,” be used with legitimacy. When people bypass these traditions and start to assume marital rights under casual arrangements, they undermine the cultural and moral fabric that holds society together.
Religiously, marriage carries even deeper significance. In Christianity, for instance, marriage is a covenant before God, a holy institution meant to reflect faithfulness, love, and unity. The Bible recognizes adultery as sin because it breaks that sacred vow. But nowhere does it suggest that romantic partners outside marriage are bound by the same moral obligation. While pre-marital sexual relationships are discouraged on moral grounds, the act of “cheating” can only exist within the framework of an established union. Thus, when young people say their boyfriend or girlfriend “cheated,” they misuse a concept meant for married couples. What they experience is emotional betrayal, not marital unfaithfulness.
It is important to understand why this correction matters. Language shapes thought, and thought influences behavior. When young people continue to equate casual relationships with marriage, they unconsciously lower the value of true commitment. The word “cheating” implies that one has broken something sacred. When used loosely, it gives undeserved gravity to relationships that were never solemnized in the first place. More dangerously, it can trap people in unhealthy emotional situations. A young woman, for example, may tolerate disrespect or abuse from a boyfriend because she feels “married in her heart,” believing that leaving him would be equivalent to divorce. Similarly, a young man may claim “ownership” over a girlfriend, restricting her freedom or friendships under the false assumption that she owes him marital loyalty. These mindsets breed possessiveness and jealousy that could sometimes culminate in violence.
Correcting this mindset does not mean that love and dating are meaningless. On the contrary, healthy relationships play a vital role in preparing individuals for marriage. Courtship is meant to be a time of discovery, where both parties learn about each other’s values, habits, and goals. It is a testing ground for compatibility, not a stage for ownership. During this time, mutual respect, honesty, and clear communication are important. However, each person must recognize that until formal vows are exchanged, they remain free individuals. They owe each other respect and truthfulness, but not the binding fidelity that comes only with marriage.
Encouraging young people to pursue commitment through proper channels—traditional, court, or religious marriage—is the way forward. Marriage brings structure, accountability, and security. It sets clear boundaries and responsibilities. It provides a recognized framework for raising children and building families. Moreover, it gives moral weight to concepts like fidelity and loyalty. When people are married, being faithful is not just about emotion—it becomes a moral duty and, in some cases, a legal one. This is why the phrase “cheating in marriage” carries moral gravity; society recognizes the vows that were broken.
To achieve this correction, parents, religious leaders, and educators have vital roles to play. Parents should teach their children the meaning and value of true commitment. They should emphasize that not every relationship needs to lead to physical intimacy or emotional dependence. Churches, mosques, and cultural institutions should revive the moral education that upholds marriage as a sacred institution. Schools, too, can help by including lessons on emotional intelligence and responsible relationships in their curricula. The media should also be conscious of the messages they promote, ensuring that entertainment does not replace moral instruction.
At a personal level, young people must learn self-respect and discipline. Love should not be reduced to mere excitement or physical attraction. True love is patient and responsible. It seeks permanence, not temporary pleasure. When a young man truly loves a woman, he should make his intentions clear by following the right procedures—meeting her family, declaring his purpose, and eventually formalizing the relationship through marriage. Likewise, a young woman who values herself should not settle for endless dating cycles that lead nowhere. She should understand that commitment is proven not by words but by actions.
In conclusion, it is time society addressed the growing misuse of the word “cheating” among unmarried people. Boyfriends and girlfriends cannot cheat on each other because they have no vows binding them. Their relationship, while emotionally real, remains informal until it is sealed by marriage. Recognizing this truth will help restore the dignity of marriage and reduce the emotional confusion that plagues modern relationships. Love should inspire commitment, and commitment should lead to formal union. Until then, let us teach our young people to reserve the sacred language of fidelity and betrayal for where it truly belongs—in marriage, not in dating.
Chief Sir Asinugo, PhD., M.A., KSC, writes from the UK
