The good news of unaffordability! By Professor Echefuna’ R G ONYEBEADI

The proposed increase in the cost of beer looks like good news of sorts in the wonderful present state of the country. People will no longer afford to “drink and forget their sorrows”.
It is like a good omen in the sense that:
1. In a way, beer and by extension alcohol in general, will be unaffordable to many thus, reducing the abuse of alcohol in the country safe that, it will most likely increase the consumption of “solution” and other low end intoxicants and stimulants.
2. It will ultimately reduce the quantum of alcohol consumption thus, reducing possible health hazards and destruction of citizens internal organs like the kidney, liver and even libido to produce more people to replace those killed by terrorists herdsmen, militants, bandits, boko haram etc
3. It will greatly reduce mental distortions of citizens given to alcohol thereby promoting rational thinking for national development.
4. Men in particular will most likely be returning home much earlier than usual after work thus, promoting good fatherhood, lovely husbands, good parentage and wonderful families!

Finally, the major thing of joy, given the present situation in Nigeria is that, the increase in the cost of alcohol will further pave the way to increasing the rate of bribery and corruption in order to maintain old habits! Isn’t that a good start to kick off multidimensional mega corruption that Nigeria needs to break her world record hitherto as a “fantastically corrupt country”?

Besides, Nigerians seems to be eating too much! So, the good gesture of this new regime of unaffordability already being extended to food and agro-allied products, should be further intensified! When local food is increasingly unaffordable, life expectancy will be easily predictable, the taste for foreign food and products will drastically reduce if not completely eliminated because, citizens can no longer afford them! Isn’t that a wonderful policy at self sufficiency?

So, Nigerians will now be compelled to eat what they produce and produce what they eat! Who says that this wouldn’t hasten economic growth and development that Nigeria desperately need at this time?

This regime of “renewed hope” must mean well for Nigerians by intensifying the pains and sufferings of Nigerians so that those who survive, if any, may enjoy! Isn’t that progress for “renewed hope” of the graveyard?

This regime must mean well for Nigerians, more so now that, the take home pay of workers that couldn’t take them home hitherto, can’t even take them to work now! By extension, work days will now be formally and/or informally drastically reduced!
What progress can be made in a country more than this, when workers will now have more time to idle away at home, more so, when the “sit at home” syndrome will now be imported to civil and public service?

This good policy of this regime of “renewed hope” to make many things unaffordable for citizens will show class, dignity, super elites and should therefore, be speedily extended to the educational sector.
After all, if there are no students to teach because they have been priced out of the educational system, what will ASUU ever go on strike for?

Yes o, before I forget, the same good measure of unaffordability should be graciously extended to the health sector. This will make our herbal and native medicine boom! The witch doctors will become very active trade and major stakeholders as more jobs will be created in this area irrespective of the number of citizens that will obviously be suddenly forced to join their ancestors. What progress and “renewed hope” can be better than joining the ancestors early enough for possible libations on earth?

Very soon, vehicles will become so cheap, too cheap in Nigeria so much so as to make bicycle riders look so honourable, as many Nigerians can no longer afford to fuel their vehicles! With this, Nigerian will be forced to keep fit and before long, pot bellies and excess backyards will completely disappear and Nigerians will involuntarily be healthier at no cost to the government! What a cost saving policy can be better than this?

Besides, the very high cost of pms will make Nigeria take the lead in climate change crusade because noise and environmental pollution arising from the use of petrol generators, particularly, the very irritating pollution from the “I pass my neighbour” generators, will become a thing of the past!

How else can Nigeria prove that she is the giant of Africa if she doesn’t take this lead in climate change and environmental degradation campaign?

In fact, the sooner and faster the pms pump price is increased to a minimum of N1k/litre, the better for all! By this, the world, particularly, the IMF and World Bank, will applaud the efforts of this regime of “renewed hope” at further devaluing the Naira so that very soon, toilet rolls and coupon papers will be better and more valuable than the Nigerian Naira!

So, Nigerians are please, implored to fully cooperate with this regime to maximally increase and spread unaffordability of essential goods and services and inflict more sufferings/pains on the citizens, pending the final decision of the Supreme Court, that will finally nail their coffins, if the Supreme Court chooses to give judgement against justice! So, in a way, it is now in the hands of the judiciary to revive Nigeria from coma or finally bury it!

After all, after labour pain of a mother comes joy!
Isn’t it true that there can’t be gain without pain?

Meanwhile, NLC and TUC must be warned to desist from disrupting the laudable efforts of this new regime otherwise, they should be proscribed immediately in national interest!

The National Assembly must hasten to confirm the ministerial nominees by making them to just take a bow and go, more so now that we are having nominees for the very first time in our national history, who passed WASC/Cambridge exams before they were born! This regime needs them urgently to hasten the movement to the doldrum!

Lest I forget, Emefiele must rot in jail without trial and/or conviction for “renewed hope”!

Even that “ova sabi” EFCC small boy must never be allowed to leave DSS donjon!

Isn’t the future of the country Nigeria looking brighter now with and in darkness?!

This brings to the fore why Nigeria’s unity must remain non-negotiable!

Those talking nonsense called restructuring must be silenced at all cost and must not be allowed to distract this regime’s motions without movement! Who says that Nigeria needs to be restructured? Restructured to what and for who?! This nonsense must stop forthwith!

Isn’t it too early to start criticizing this new regime of “renewed hope” in hopelessness?

This regime should be allowed to carry out it’s assignment of moving the country Nigeria very fast from intensive care unit to the graveyard!

Na Wu tok sai Nigeria no go beta?!

Echefuna’ R G ONYEBEADI.
03/08/2023.